An insecure attachment style can cause anxiety and insecurity. However, there are ways to switch to safer ways to connect with others.
Childhood memories and experiences are unique and familiar. They also often affect how you function as an adult.
Some call it a pattern of behavior that we repeat in our relationshipsattachment style.
Your attachment style is usually shaped by the bond you had with your primary caregivers. Then you began to learn to express your needs, assess your safety, and respond to other people's feelings and behaviors.
But while these early experiences can impact your life as an adult, there are also opportunities to make changes that can help improve your relationships with others, whether they are friends, family, or partners.
Yes, changing your attachment style is possible, but it can take time and effort.
It was developed in the mid-20th century by psychoanalyst John Bowlby and psychologist Mary Ainsworth.attachment theorywas the first to study the bonds infants form with their caregivers.
Three main attachment styles have been identified:
- Clearly
- worried
- avoidance
Research shows that people with a secure attachment style often:
What is safe attachments?
People with a secure attachment style approach relationships with openness, trust, and respect.
They like emotional and physical closeness, and they canmeet your partner's needs– although I can also express my own.
A person with a secure attachment style may know how to effectively manage interpersonal conflicts and may not take things personally. Instead, they may prefer to work to create a caring, forgiving, and...supportive relationship.
That's also unlikelyfear of abandonmentto manage their relationships with trust and confidence.
What are insecure attachments?
Attachment styles that are not secure are considered unsafe. Anxious and avoidant types fall into this category.
People with an anxious attachment stylecan workmeet the partner's needs,while he often and repeatedly sacrificed his. As a result, these unmet needs can lead to feelings of fear, jealousy, or unhappiness.
This may apply to a person with an anxious attachment stylethey worry that their partner is withdrawingfrom them and often takes little things personally.
They may also seek ongoing reassurance to ease feelings of insecurity about their relationship. They may also become overly cautious of their partner.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment style may be overly accepting of their independence. They may actively avoid emotional closeness and prefer not to form long-term relationships.
When they come out, they will be able to createemotional distancebetween you and your partner. This could be, for example, looking for fault in their relationship when they feel they have gotten too close.
Avoidant types may find it harder to express their feelings or show physical affection. This can make their partners feel neglected, rejected or unwanted.
Both anxious and avoidant attachment styles can manifest themselves assuowisnostin some relationships.
Anxious and avoidant styles can also serve as broader terms for mixed, insecure attachment types.
Some people may find that their style is a combination of one of these emotions and another, for example:
- restless-busy
- shy-avoidant
- avoiding rejection
- unorganized
If you think you have an insecure attachment style, you may be wondering how to change it.
In some cases, this happens naturally. For example, connecting with someone who is confident can help you become more confident.
Aging can also play a role.
Testsuggests that attachment styles may become safer over time simply because, as we get older, we have less time for relationships that don't meet our needs or make us happy.
Often the most helpful is deciding to take an active role in changing your style. With these simple and effective steps, you can help yourself to a more confident style.
Recognize your unique binding style
Maybe you don't know exactly what your style is.
Building a sense of self-awareness about the type of connection will help you get a clear starting point on the road to a secure style.
One of the best ways to do this is with the support of a mental health professional. They will be able to help you identify your attachment style as well as give you the tools to change it.
Learn from others
Do you know someone who manages relationships with a sense of security? Consider learning from them. It can be a platonic friend or a romantic partner.
creationintentional connectionfor people you perceive as having secure attachments, style can help you observe secure behaviors.
It can also provide you with a space of trust where you can live freely and safely in a secure relationship.
Remember that just as new habits don't appear overnight, learning and adopting a new attachment style takes time and patience.
There are many other factors that influence how you relate to other people.
If you suffer from mental problems such asdependent personality disordertheborderline personality disorder: borderline personality disorder, it may be more effective to work with a mental health professional.
Be considerate and proactive
As mentioned earlier, changing an insecure attachment style can take time and effort. That's why it's important to develop strategies to help you achieve themdistorted thought patternsand behavior.
Here are some tips to consider to start changing your attachment style:
- Keep a journal of feelings.When you think about your relationships, it might be a good idea to consider the most common recurring feelings. This can help you recognize patterns. For example, do you often feel that others don't love you enough?
- Save details.Once you've identified your most recurring thoughts and feelings about the relationship, consider finding evidence that supports or contradicts those thoughts. For example, what behaviors from your partner let you know that he doesn't love you (or doesn't love you)?
- Press the pause button.Since at this point you may have identified several thoughts and behaviors that are not supported by evidence, consider stopping your reactions. This means that instead of immediately reacting to what you think is happening, wait until you have calmed down, identify the evidence, and then react based on that.
- Think about another person.Part of a secure attachment style is taking responsibility for your role in the relationship. For this, you should think about how your behavior might affect the other person. Don't trust someone without proof? Are you pushing away the person who really cares about you?
- Evaluate your capabilities.Relationships take place between two people. It's just as important to take responsibility for your part, but it's also a good idea to look at the relationship objectively. Do you choose partners who reinforce insecure attachments?
- Communicate openly.Expressing your feelings clearly can help your partner recognize your needs and respond to them. It can also help you increase your confidence in the safe spaces your relationship provides.
If the way you manage your relationships causes you great anxiety, you may want to explore all the factors involved in seeing a mental health professional.
Also, if you find it difficult to work in a safe style or just need guidance, consider getting help from a professional.
A therapist can help you develop strategies to better communicate how you feel so you can work to increase your level of security.
There are three basic attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. They are based on accounts from early childhood.
People with a secure attachment style are generally more trusting and sensitive in relationships.
People with an anxious attachment style tend to put the needs of others before their own.
A person with an avoidant attachment style may overestimate their independence and avoid intimacy.
Changing your attachment style is possible, but it takes work.
It may be helpful to seek professional advice. A therapist can help you uncover the source of your attachment style and provide tools and techniques for creating more secure relationships.
If you're wondering what type that is, you can take our free attachment style quizHere.